Parents on the Touchline: Behaviour, What to Say and the Ride Home
Parents on the touchline have more influence on a child's enjoyment of football than most coaches. The simple version is this: cheer for effort, leave coaching to the coach and refereeing to the referee, and let your child talk first on the way home. Most problems at grassroots matches start with well-meaning adults who forget that the game belongs to the children.
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In this article
Parents on the touchline: why behaviour matters
Children often say that the worst part of playing football is the shouting from adults. Instructions from parents conflict with what the coach has asked for. Criticism of mistakes makes children afraid to try things. Arguments with the referee or other parents embarrass them in front of their friends. None of this helps them play better.
The FA's Respect programme, running since 2008/09, includes a code of conduct for spectators and parents, and many leagues ask clubs to set up designated spectator areas away from the technical area. In 2018 the FA added the 'We Only Do Positive' message for youth football. Your club will usually ask you to sign the code at registration.
A code of conduct for football parents
Club codes vary in detail, but most cover the same points. These are the ones that make the biggest difference on a Saturday morning.
- Stand in the spectators' area, often on the opposite side from the coaches, and not behind the goals.
- Applaud effort and good play from both teams. A good save by the opposition goalkeeper deserves recognition too.
- Do not give instructions. The coach has set a plan; two sets of instructions confuse the player.
- Never criticise the referee, players or the other team's supporters. Many referees in youth football are teenagers or volunteers.
- Stay calm when it goes wrong. A heavy defeat or a bad decision is not a reason to raise your voice.
- Keep phones for photos, not for filming arguments. Follow your club's policy on photographing children.
- Support the club's decisions on positions and playing time, and raise concerns privately with the coach at an agreed time.
What to say and what not to say
Children cannot listen to the coach, watch the ball and process comments from their parents at the same time. The less you say during play, the better. When you do speak, keep it short and positive.
| Helpful | Not helpful |
|---|---|
| 'Well done!' after a good pass or tackle | 'Shoot!', 'Pass!', 'Get rid of it!' |
| 'Unlucky, keep going' after a miss | 'How did you miss that?' |
| Applauding both teams | Comments about opposition players |
| 'Good effort, team' at a stoppage | 'Ref, that's never a foul!' |
| Silence when unsure | Running commentary from the touchline |
Shouting instructions is the hardest habit to break, because it feels helpful. The problem is that the child has to choose between the coach and the parent, often in a split second. The result is hesitation. If you disagree with how the team is coached, talk to the coach later, not to your child during the match.
Some leagues have run 'silent' weekends, where spectators only clap. In the US the same idea is often called 'silent sidelines'. Coaches who have tried it usually report that children talk to each other more and make more of their own decisions.
What to say to your child after a football match
The car journey home is where many children decide whether football is still fun. Straight after a match, children are tired, emotional and not ready for analysis. Let them lead the conversation.
- Start with 'I loved watching you play.' It works after a win, a draw or a heavy defeat.
- Ask open questions, such as 'What did you enjoy today?' or 'What was the best bit?'
- Let them talk about mistakes if they want to. Listen first, then help them see the next step.
- Do not replay the match or list what they did wrong.
- Do not criticise the coach, teammates or referee in front of your child.
- Keep rewards and punishments out of it. Paying for goals or taking away treats after a defeat adds pressure.
When another parent crosses the line
Most clubs have a welfare officer and a clear process for dealing with spectator behaviour. Do not confront an angry parent on the touchline; it usually makes things worse in front of the children.
- If it is low-level, a calm word from someone they know at the club often works: 'Let's keep it positive for the kids.'
- If it continues, tell the coach or the club's match-day contact, who can speak to them at half-time.
- If it is abusive or threatening, inform the club welfare officer. Serious incidents can be reported to the league and County FA.
- If a child is at risk, follow the club's safeguarding procedure straight away.
Coaches should also deal with their own team's parents. A short pre-season meeting where the coach explains what is expected on match days, including where to stand and what not to shout, prevents most problems before they start.
How parents can help the team
Parents are the reason grassroots football exists. Clubs depend on them for lifts, kit washing, putting up nets, running the tuck shop and, increasingly, coaching and refereeing. The most useful touchline parent is often the one who arrives early, helps carry the goals and then watches quietly.
- Bring your child on time, with kit, water and shin pads.
- Offer one practical job each season: lifts, linesman duty, the club's social media or the fundraising stall.
- Consider a course. The FA's introductory coaching and refereeing courses are open to parents and help them understand the game from the other side.
- Remember the long view. Very few children become professionals. Most will play for fun into adulthood if they enjoy it now.
Frequently asked questions
What should parents not do at youth football?
Do not shout instructions, criticise players or the referee, argue with other parents or stand in the technical area. Cheer for effort and leave coaching to the coach.
What should I say to my child after a football game?
Start with 'I loved watching you play', ask what they enjoyed and let them lead the conversation. Avoid replaying the match or listing mistakes in the car.
What is the FA Respect code of conduct for spectators?
It is a set of expectations for parents and spectators at football matches, including staying in designated areas, being positive, respecting the referee and not coaching from the touchline. Most clubs ask parents to sign it at registration.
What should I do if another parent is abusive on the touchline?
Do not confront them. Tell the coach or the club's match-day contact, and report serious or repeated incidents to the club welfare officer, who can involve the league if needed.
Sources
Verified in October 2026. Rules and age groups vary by association and by season; check your local regulations.