Respect the Referee: A Guide for Youth Players, Parents and Coaches

Why respect the referee matters in grassroots football

Without referees there is no league football. In England, the shortage of officials is felt most at youth level, where County FAs and leagues regularly ask clubs to help recruit. When a referee walks away after abuse, the cost is not just one cancelled match. It is every match that person would have refereed for the next ten years.

The FA launched its Respect programme for the 2008/09 season. Its core tools are still the ones clubs use today: codes of conduct for players, coaches, match officials and spectators, designated areas for spectators, and captains who speak to the referee on behalf of the team. In 2018 the FA added the 'We Only Do Positive' message for youth football, aimed at new parents and volunteers.

There is also a football reason. Children who spend energy arguing with the referee are not thinking about the next action. A team that accepts a decision and restarts quickly often gains more than a team still complaining while the opposition takes a quick free kick.

Young referees: who is really holding the whistle

In England, anyone aged 14 or over can take the FA Referees Course. Until they turn 16, young referees can only take charge of matches for children at least one year younger than themselves. That means the person refereeing your U13 9v9 match on Saturday morning may be 14 or 15 years old, in the first months of their first season.

In mini soccer the picture is different again. Many 5v5 and 7v7 matches are refereed by a club volunteer, often a parent or the home coach, sometimes after the FA's short mini-soccer referee course and sometimes with no course at all. At U7, 3v3 games are run by an adult facilitator rather than a traditional referee. None of these people are paid to be shouted at.

Young referees make mistakes, as do experienced ones. The difference is that a 15-year-old who is screamed at by an adult in front of 40 people is likely to give up. Clubs that treat young officials well tend to keep them, and some of those referees end up running their own youth sections a few years later.

What to do after a wrong decision

Every coach has watched a goal stand that should have been offside, or a penalty that was never a foul. The question is not whether the decision was wrong but what happens in the next ten seconds. A simple routine helps players, parents and the coach deal with it the same way.

1. Players: accept, turn and get back into shape. Only the captain may ask a calm question, and only at a stoppage.
2. Coach: say nothing to the referee in the moment. Talk to your own players about the next action: 'Reset, find your man, go again.'
3. Parents: silence or a positive comment to the team. No comments to the referee, the opposition or their parents.
4. After the match: if a decision genuinely needs to be raised, the coach does it calmly, away from players, or through the club secretary and the league. Never in the car park.

Most leagues ask clubs to give the referee a mark after each match. Use it honestly and fairly. A low mark with a short factual comment is the right channel for a poor performance. Shouting from the touchline is not.

Sin bins for dissent

Since the 2019/20 season, grassroots football in England has used temporary dismissals, or sin bins, for dissent. In adult football the sin bin lasts 10 minutes; youth competitions use shorter periods. Check your league handbook for the exact length and how it applies to your age group. Coaches should explain sin bins to players at the start of the season, so the first time a player sees one is not in a cup match.

How the coach leads by example

Children judge what is acceptable by watching the adult in charge. If the coach throws their arms up at every throw-in, players learn that complaining is part of football. If the coach stays calm and focused on coaching, players learn that the referee is simply part of the match.

• Stay in the technical area and coach your own team, not the referee.
• Use neutral words at half-time. 'We conceded from a set piece we can defend better' is useful. 'We were robbed' teaches nothing.
• Thank the referee at the end, whatever the result, and ask your players to do the same.
• Deal with your own parents. If a parent from your club abuses the referee, the coach or the club welfare officer should speak to them the same day.
• Give the captain a real role. Teach them how to speak to the referee: calm, short, at a stoppage, and only when it helps the team.

Training activity: 'referee for the day'

Once a month, finish a training session with a small-sided game where two players take turns to referee. Use a 30 x 20 m area, 4v4 or 5v5, two games of 5 minutes. The rest of the group are not allowed to question decisions. Afterwards, ask the young referees what was hard: seeing everything, deciding quickly, being shouted at. Players who have tried it are noticeably more patient on match day.

A variation for U12 and older: the referee must explain one decision to the group after the game, using the Laws of the Game. It is a simple way to teach offside, handball and advantage without a lecture.

Respect codes of conduct and club policy

The FA publishes Respect codes of conduct for young players, coaches, spectators and parents. Most leagues require clubs to have them signed at registration. A signed form helps, but only if the club uses it when something goes wrong.

Many leagues also ask the home club to name a match-day contact who looks after the referee before, during and after the game. For a young referee, knowing who to go to if a spectator becomes aggressive matters. That person should also walk the referee to the car park if needed.

Respect at tournaments and festivals

Summer tournaments bring their own pressure: short matches, quick turnarounds, medals at stake and referees doing six or seven games in a row. Organisers can reduce problems by briefing referees together before the first match, putting one adult in charge of each group of pitches and making the complaints route clear in the tournament rules.

For coaches at a tournament, the same rules apply as in league football. A short match makes every decision feel bigger, so the coach's calm matters even more. If your team goes out because of a wrong call, take the players aside, talk about what they did well and move on to the next game or the trip home.

Frequently asked questions